Read time: 4 minutes • A quiet moment for you

Hi Reader,

Welcome to my weekly newsletter, designed to help you Rise on Purpose.

Last week, I wrote about protecting your rest. If you missed it, you can read that, and all previous articles, here.

And because a few good words can change the direction of your whole day, I wrote a FREE PDF guide: 7 Things to Tell Yourself Every Day. If you'd like to receive it, hit reply and I'll send it straight to your inbox

Don't Take It Personally

It's easier said than done, isn't it.

It's something I had to work hard at last week. Not with someone on my team, but with someone outside my business whose decision affected my work.

When I raised the issue with them, they refused to put it right in full, then abruptly closed the conversation with "Have a great day". Probably the most dismissive four words anyone has said to me all year.

I called straight away, hoping we could talk it through and clear the air. They didn't pick up.

When you can talk things through, you can usually work the knot out. I didn't get that chance.

I was really taken aback, and my mind kept replaying the exchange. So I laced up my trainers and walked it off.

On my way home, something occurred to me: their reaction probably had very little to do with me at all.

So much of what lands on us is actually someone else's tiredness, deadline, frustration, bad morning, or something entirely unrelated, arriving at the wrong moment and unwittingly catching us in its path.

But the mind doesn't like a gap. Give it silence, a curt reply, or a change of plan, and it will fill the space with a story, usually one that puts you at the centre of it.

Most of the time, you're not.

This week’s tool: The Second Explanation

→ Name the first story​
Notice what your mind reached for first. It's usually fast, personal, and unflattering. Just naming it takes away some of its power.

→ Find a second explanation​
Ask what else could explain what happened that has nothing to do with you. A deadline. A bad night's sleep. A conversation you know nothing about. There's almost always more than one explanation.

→ Choose the one that moves you forward​
You rarely have enough information to know which explanation is true. Having another possibility stops the first from feeling like fact.

Why this works

Our minds default to personal explanations because they feel like they give us control. If it's about us, we can fix it. If it's about someone else's day, there's nothing to fix on your end, only a choice about where you put your energy next.

Coming up with a second explanation interrupts that instinct. Like the little graphic above, there's a fork in the road. The second option gives your mind somewhere else to go instead of heading straight towards blame.

Most of what feels personal isn't. It's just someone else's moment passing through yours.

Let it pass. Shake it off and keep going.

Keep rising,
Lauren

P.S. Next time something stings, what's the second explanation you could reach for?​​